Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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