That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
