when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
