apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
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im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
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It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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