Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
