those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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