We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
