I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
