I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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