I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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