my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
