i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
