she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
