there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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