Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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