I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
