You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
