i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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