Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Can I color on your dick again?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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