Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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