That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
