remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
