new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize