we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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