i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
