You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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