I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
and you fell through a lawn chair
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
