i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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