Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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