I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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