I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize