Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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