forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
