So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
