I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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