started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
