His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
