im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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