I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
