jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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