I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My vagina is officially offended.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
