Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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