please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
try to milk me bitch
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