oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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