Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
