I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
