You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
