In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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