we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
