Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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