I'm lost and stupid without you.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
