I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
