Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I cut my penus on the lid.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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