Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
