dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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