this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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