but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
