Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
