I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
