Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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