every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
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Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.