why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait