hotel room ftw
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
