One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
