Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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