bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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