found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
