the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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