We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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