at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she pinky promised me she was 18
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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