What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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