im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
