He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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