her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
