New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
