i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
