It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
