I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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