You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
