my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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