well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
