My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
