Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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