when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
