Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
