I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
